The Seven Deadly Sin Observation
by Captain Riterra Smith
Summary: A series of 7 mini chapters all about the 7 sinners we know and love.
1. Pride

Welcome to the Captain's first Big Bang fic. Since our favorite nerds are as guilty of the deadly 7 as the rest of us, I thought it appropriate to look at them one by one. Reviews are love, flaming is uncool and makes you look fat.

Pride

As Leonard and Penny ascended the stairs they had come to know far too well, a shriek emanating from 4A made them hasten up the last steps. Leonard paused at the door to brace himself before throwing it open but he was quite unprepared for the sight that greeted him. Sheldon Cooper gleefully embracing Amy Farrah Fowler. Leonard blinked a few times, glanced over to his girlfriend, whose jaw was resting on her neck, then back to his roommate. "What's up guys?" He ventured. "Amy get you William Shatner's autographed hairpiece?" The couple in front of the couch relinquished their grip and Sheldon shook his head.

"Get serious Leonard."

"This is the day Sheldon's been waiting for his whole life." Amy explained bubbling over with giddiness.

"You turned him into a real boy?" Penny asked in mock enthusiasm.

Sheldon scoffed "Of course not. My paper on a rederivation of Maxwell's equations regarding ferromagnetism and my approach to calculating ferromagnetic hysteresis was accepted by the Nobel Prize committee. I WON!"

"You won?" Leonard and Penny chorused in unison.

"HE WON!" Amy repeated positively beaming. "I am dating a Nobel LAUREATE!"

Leonard waited out her happy dance then addressed the man of the hour. "Hang on, is that the paper Alex found in your box of school projects?"

"It certainly is. I'm still debating whether it would be easier to mention her in my acceptance speech or explain to her why I didn't."

"Sheldon we discussed this." Amy whispered out the corner of her lips.

"Just to refresh my memory," Penny cut in "The Nobel Prize means a ton of interviews, news spots, televised ceremony, right?"

"Ugh why must you ruin this moment for me?" Sheldon shuddered at the memory of previous public speaking gigs.

"What I mean is, it sounds like shopping is in order."

"Not sure I follow but alright. Amy, you want to go shopping with Penny?"

"You have to ask? What do you say, Bestie?"

"Um…"

"I have Sheldon's Visa."

"Let's go." The girls departed leaving their boyfriends alone in their shared Nerdvana. Leonard had seen his roommate smug before, gloating countless times, but today that unbearable condescension was mixed with unrestrained joy.

"You proud of yourself?" He asked.

"It's not just myself, Leonard. I've been expecting this for a long time. But really I am honored, and proud of mankind for acknowledging my superiority. Finally I won't be the only one to recognize my how far my genius surpasses all others."

"Glad this hasn't gone to your head."

"As am I." Sheldon floated back to his room on his own inflated ego. Leonard remembered clearly the last time he said there was no living with Sheldon. He was right just premature.

In the parking lot, Penny touched up her lip gloss, checked her reflection, touched up her mascara, checked her reflection, touched up her foundation and checked her reflection.

"Ready?" inquired her best friend and passenger.

"Just a sec." She tucked in some errant blonde locks and when she was satisfied, admired the results for a moment more. "Okay let's hit it." Penny considered herself lucky. To be born with a fashion sense and the physical features to pull it off was a gift. What a shame that others, like the woman seated beside her could not be so blessed. But she could fix that. With the right outfit, a makeover perhaps, Amy could be her boyfriend's trophy never mind the medal with Nobel's face on it. Penny could hardly wait to start her little experiment. Er, she couldn't wait to share her gift.


	2. Greed

I don't _need_ reviews, but I want them. I want them _a lot_. Night and day I think about how much I want reviews. Can you tell what's coming next? I'm not the only needy baby greedy baby in town and I can prove it.

Greed

"Hey Raj you busy?" Howard poked his head into the astronomy lab finding his friend gazing intently into the glow of a monitor.

"Yeah a little. Right now I'm tracking a star to look for evidence of a planet eclipsing it's light."

Howard peeked over Raj's shoulder and his brow furrowed in confusion. "That looks like Let's Make A Deal."

"Obviously. The star is on that monitor." He pointed across the room. "It'll be an hour before I have to make another adjustment."

"While we're waiting how about we make it interesting." Howard baited. "$50 says the bigger prize is in the envelope."

"I can't take your money."

"Of course you can't because you know I'm right."

"You're on. I take the small box."

Wayne Brady revealed the envelope contained tickets to a vacation in Bermuda, while the box held cologne, eau de fried chicken.

"Zonk! Show me the money!"

"Hang on a second." Raj protested. "Give me a chance to win it back. $100 that the next prize is in the big box."

"Very well. I got the curtain." Howard's winning streak continued as curtain #1 revealed a new car. "Quit now man while you still have your dignity."

"Never!" The wagers got higher on every deal. Wayne explained to a man dressed as a Hershey kiss.

"Behind one of these cards is $1500, behind the other is the word 'Zonk' choose carefully."

"1!" Howard declared.

"2!" Raj insisted. The Hershey kiss and Raj were disappointed.

"How does it feel to be out $1,350 in less than an hour?"

"Wait, double or nothing if the big deal of the day is behind curtain #2."

"Fine by me but I say it's curtain #3." Howard's record went unbroken as his curtain revealed an SUV. "You can write me a check if it's easier."

"Not unless you tell me how you did it."

"Oh sweet simple Rajie, I've seen every episode since 1988. This is a rerun." Raj chased his short devious friend out of the lab and down the hall.

Bernadette glanced up from her vials and petrie dishes relieved to see that 6:00 had finally arrived. She could hardly wait to get home, but as she swapped her lab coat for her jacket, there was a tapping at the door.

"Dr. Rostenkowski?"

"Dr. Carlson. I didn't know you were still here." Bernadette's boss was a slight man, charming in a gawky grandfather kind of way. While very much likable, he held everyone in his professional life to the highest standard.

"I just wanted to ask you if you'd be interested in hopping aboard our staphylococcus project. MERSA isn't going to eradicate itself."

"Who else is working on it?"

"Dr. McAdams, Dr. Wood and Dr. Russo." Bernadette pulled the 'are you serious?' face. "But that's totally negotiable. And there's a $7,000 bonus in it for you."

What was she going to do with seven grand? Share it with her husband whom she would see even less for the hours she would be working? Start a savings account to send her nonexistent children to college? Was the pint size couple in the market for an extra large house to rattle around in? Of course not. Besides she made enough to take care of her wants and needs with plenty to spare.

"Well…"

"I'll make it $9,000."

"Done. See you tomorrow."

"Good night Dr. Rostenkowski."

Upon being set free in the mall for an hour, Penny was inspired.

"Steve Madden pumps, $99. Nine West sandals, $89. INC dress, $79.50. Levis, bootcut, $54. Calvin Klein top, $29.50. Style & Co skirt, $46. The North Face jacket, $179. Putting it on your neighbor's dime, priceless!"

"Yeah that's not happening. Sheldon will throttle you." Amy earned herself an icy glare and a huff.

"Killjoy." Penny dropped the mismatched collection of clothes on the nearest rack causing a nearby employee to gape wordlessly in dismay.


	3. Sloth

Laziness is so much funnier to watch then it is to read. So give me my props for attempting the feat and review! Unless you're as slothful as this bunch.

Sloth

Two pairs of eyes, one bespectacled, glazed over not in the least transfixed by the mindless content on the screen. Yet somehow they couldn't find the energy to turn away.

"This show bites." Leonard observed from his chair.

"That's an understatement." Sheldon concurred.

"How long as it been since we agreed on a program's general suckitude like this?"

"November 14, 2008."

"Oh yeah. Parental Control." A moment passed in silence before Leonard added, "I can change the channel if you want."

"Be my guest." Neither budged an inch.

Later, but who could say how much later, a knock on the door was followed by Penny letting herself in. "Hi guys." She thought for a moment that she was talking to wax duplicates of her neighbors. "That's okay don't everybody greet me at once."

Leonard answered without bothering to even turn his head. "Hey Penny."

"What are you watching?"

"Some crappy show about pet birds with behavior problems." Her boyfriend answered.

"Great well, as thrilling as that sounds, I was hoping I could talk you guys into going out, seeing a movie, dusting the cobwebs between your ears and your shoulders."

Leonard nodded his head to the side. "Sounds great."

"Sure." Sheldon added. Penny waited fruitlessly for some type of activity to follow.

"C'mon guys I'm bored!"

Sheldon responded mocking the pitch of her voice "So are we!"

Penny crossed the room in front of the coffee table. "Well when you are ready to not be bored I will be waiting right here." She took her place seated next to Leonard on the arm of his chair.

Later still, Howard announced his arrival with Raj in tow. "Knock knock." Stillness and silence answered. "Not even the courtesy of a 'who's there' we may be too late."

"We can hear you we're just too bored to talk." Leonard explained.

"Then you're in luck since we have come with just the solution to such an affliction." Howard waited for a sign of enthusiasm, or any sign at all that never came. "So glad you asked! Stuart's having a sale at the comic book store, first 24 customers get 50% off the whole store."

Leonard was on the brink of yawning. "That's his entire clientele."

"If the man wants to makes us feel like part of an exclusive club, who are we to deny him his due?" Howard feigned passion for the cause while Raj nodded vigorously

Sheldon quirked his eyebrow "I thought we agreed to go to the movies."

"No reason we can't do both." Leonard offered.

"True." Penny agreed. All three residents of the fourth floor remained glued to their seats, eyes glued to the screen. Raj whispered in Howard's ear.

"No they're not making up their minds they just don't want to get off their lazy asses." He whispered again. "We sit down!" Raj rolled his eyes in a 'Why didn't you say that in the first place?' sort of way as he took the middle of the couch and Howard took the right.

The next visitors were a pair of biologists blonde following brunette.

"I told you we'd find them here." Amy declared.

"This is the first place we thought to look."

"So I was right. Sheldon I've been calling for hours."

"I know but my phone is all the way over there." Sheldon nodded in the direction of his desk. His girlfriend huffed

"Unbelievable."

"And you." Bernadette rounded on her unphased husband, "You don't check in all day and expect me to tell your mother where you are?"

"I left a note. Said I was hanging with Raj. I still am. What's to check?"

"You're saying this is where you've been since this morning?"

"We agreed to go to the movies." Leonard interjected.

"And the Comic book store." Penny added.

"So how was the movie?" Amy inquired arms crossed.

Sheldon shrugged "Haven't gone yet."

"What did you get at the comic book store?" Bernadette wondered.

Howard shook his head. "Didn't make it."

"Amy let's go find better people to hang out with."

"No no that's what they want. But they can't ignore us if we don't leave."

Howard chortled. "You ladies underestimate us."

"That's a good point." Bernadette took a seat on the couch's right flank next to Howard. Amy did the same on the left beside Sheldon. When apathy had claimed it's last victims, all seven shared one heavy disaffected sigh.


	4. Envy

You aren't afraid of Green Eyed Monsters are you? Cause they are everywhere! And such ugly things so prepare for internal angst Leonard. Also I finally fulfill my dream of seeing Penny use Amy as her own Barbie doll.

Envy

Leonard wasn't jealous of his roommate. He was happy for the guy. And the fact he was staring at his white board in the living room at 2 in the morning had nothing to do with Sheldon's success. Just like his grades and test scores were in no way an attempt to compete with his siblings and gain some attention as the middle child. He didn't go to grad school to be better than anybody. Leonard Hofstadter was merely being the best version of himself that he could be. Never was he bitter about being shot down by girls in his class in favor of the boys on the football team, the basketball team. It was their loss. What did he care if it took Penny close to 3 years to say "I love you" after he had said it, at the same time Amy worshipped the ground Sheldon walked on? And DAMMIT how did he get back to Sheldon? No he would focus on work and all his achievements would be deserved. If they just so happen to exceed the notoriety of certain other persons who live in his apartment so be it.

Penny waited outside the fitting room examining the suits she had picked out for Sheldon. With any luck she could talk Amy into burning that God awful plaid monstrosity in his closet. It must be so easy for guys, to go shopping, get dressed, it must take so little thought. Women should be so fortunate. Maybe the fashion industry just gives men little to think about for good reason. Still it doesn't explain how a man brilliant enough to win a Nobel prize could get it so wrong. Or his equally brilliant girlfriend for that matter. "How you doing in there?"

"I think this is it, but…" came Amy's voice through the door.

"C'mon let me see!" Penny burst in to admire her handiwork and found herself more than pleased with it. "Oh this is it." Amy had worn contacts and had her hair blown out on Penny's orders. At her vigorous suggestion Amy had worn a gown in gold to suit her skin tone, simple, meant to showcase the woman not become a distraction. And what a showcase, Amy stood a little straighter, her curves no longer disguised. Penny bit her lip and nodded in approval.

"So we're going with this?"

"Why not, something wrong with it?" Penny didn't understand her friend's hesitation. She circled Amy like an art connoisseur.

"Nothing's wrong. I just don't think it's fair." Amy drew back from being inspected like a piece of meat but Penny's scrutiny was thorough.

"What's not fair?"

"I can look like this and Sheldon doesn't give me so much as a 'How do you do'. You whistle and…" *snap* "Your body's wish is Leonard's command."

"Okay one, if anybody's granting wishes, it's me. And besides this isn't for Sheldon."

"It's not?"

"No. This is for all the _other _scientists watching." Penny laid one hand on her friend's shoulder and made a sweeping gesture with the other, slowly to reveal the big picture. "They'll sit there thinking, 'Damn that Dr. Cooper. He gets to leave with the top prize in his field and all of this'." She gestured up down and all around to indicate Amy's flattered figure. " 'I hate that guy!' See what I mean?"

"You have some kind of stake in Sheldon being admired by his peers?"

"What? No. He's just easier to deal with when he's making other braniacs feel bad about themselves."

"Penny do you feel threatened by his intellectual superiority? If so I'm sure that insecurity has existed long before you met your current social clique." Amy's observations met with a familiar sardonic tone.

"Well I don't. On an unrelated note we're burning every copy of Beverley's book we find after this."


	5. Gluttony

So I actually looked up the menu for the Pasadena Cheesecake factory to do this. Yeah, actual research, what a concept huh? Bon apetite! And no dessert til you finish your reviews. ;)

Gluttony

"Hey guys!" Penny greeted her entire posse of nerds perusing their menus. "Can I put down the usual?" She poised her pen over her notepad.

Sheldon briskly shook his head "I'm not sure that will be sufficient as the group consensus is we are beyond famished."

Howard squinted pleading. "Don't ask, don't ask, don't ask."

"Why?" Penny shortly regretted the inquiry .

"The University served the most revolting selections in recent memory. I know for a fact that the Salisbury steak was not cooked to a safe temperature before being left to putrefy under the Plexiglas.

"He wouldn't let us eat it even if we wanted to." Leonard glared darkly across the table.

"You're welcome."

"And you ladies, work up an appetite studying flesh eating bacteria and brain warts?"

Amy nodded. "You'd be surprised how fast you get used to that. But the Quizno's across the street from my lab? Gag."

"Then I guess I better feed my best customers, and Sheldon ASAP. What'll it be?" Penny clicked her pen rapidly a few times.

Sheldon sneered in protest of the exclusion but proceeded. "We'll start with the usual beverages, stuffed mushrooms and dynamite shrimp for the group."

"M'kay."

"I'll have my burger…"

"Cheese and bacon on the side."

"With a generous side of onion rings." Sheldon added with a bite of 'take that' in his voice. "And I'll finish it with carrot cake."

Leonard followed, "Fish and Chips. Just to make it healthy, green beans. Then some apple crisp. No ice cream, extra apple, extra crisp."

Raj discreetly tucked away his flask before ordering. "Garlic noodles with chicken, sweet potato fries, and the Godiva hot fudge sundae." His glee at the prospect of his dessert was infectious.

Howard paused a moment more to consider. "Pork chop, mashed potatoes, blackout cake."

Bernadette. was next in line "Chicken Madeira, broccoli…"

"Ahe." Penny held up a finger to call for a break. She transferred her pen to her left hand then flexed her fingers and rolled her wrist in a circle. "Lemoncello cream torte?" she offered once the writer's cramp had passed.

"Obviously."

"Just the Pasta Da Vinci for me." Amy said with a smirk of disapproval at her ravenous friends. "But I have to try the blueberry white chocolate cheesecake."

"Mhm." Penny finished jotting when a scheme turned on a glint in her eye. "Okay you hungry hungry eggheads, got a challenge for you. If you can eat every crumb including dessert the whole thing is on the house. If not you double no, triple my tip."

After exchanging thoughtful looks a verdict was reached. "You're on."

45 minutes later, Penny sauntered up to a table of patrons too stuffed to put away the last scraps from each plate or get up from their seats for that matter.

"Tsk tsk tsk. Too bad so sad. Maybe next time."

"We surrender." Sheldon confessed bitterly. "Take your spoils and leave us be."

Penny collected her prize with relish. "Thanks for playing." She nearly skipped away musing to herself, "Just like the lunch money I used to steal in grade school."


	6. Anger

You know what helps me when I'm really angry? Reviewing fan fic. You know what helps our favorite nerds when they're angry? Nothing. They keep working the same nerves until hilarious fits ensue.

Anger

"C'mon c'mon c'mon! What was that!?" Howard spat furiously gripping his X Box controller. "You guys leave me out to dry like that again I swear I will blow your heads off myself!" His Call of Duty squad, despite being spread across 4 states, were sure as hell going to fear him. At least if his adjustment to lower his voice via the headset had any say in the matter. Noone could blame him for needing to blow off steam after the day he had, between Dr. Gablehauser and Sheldon attempting to correct his work, Kripke helping himself to the last Rice Krispie treat, Howard couldn't decide who was the most insufferable. Just thinking about it caused him to mash the buttons so hard they jammed, again. "DAMMIT!" Howard was seeing red at this point but momentarily realized it was the screen indicating his character had been shot. No matter, he would pay those bastards back with every drop of rage coursing through his veins and achieve release. His musings of misery were cut off by a rasping guttural voice that barely passed for one belonging to a female.

"HOWARD! Who taught you how to do laundry?!"

"What is there to learn?" He called back to the unseen taskmaster. "If you want it clean you use hot water, you want it to dry fast you set the drier to permanent press." A very unhappy Bernadette stormed into the living room holding a garment that even by her measure was diminutive.

"Are you kidding me?! I didn't even realize it was possible for my clothes to be any smaller!"

"At least they're clean. And they stretch just as easy right?"

"I hope you're really comfortable on that couch, pal cause you're not leaving it tonight." She marched out with more fury than she had entered with.

"Actually the left side of my tuckus is falling asleep but thanks for your concern!"

The refrigerator of 4A was normally meticulously monitored and kept properly stocked at all times. Normally. This particular day the reliable appliance was found to be lacking.

"Sheldon, why is my soy milk almost empty four days after I bought it?"

"Because the Mini Wheat Crunch is denser in structure and requires more skim milk then the Shredded Wheat." Sheldon explained from his position seated at his desk.

Leonard shuddered as he reigned in his aggravation. "Then you put it on the list. You don't start dipping into mine!"

"Hey it was on the list, in your e mail. And for what it's worth consider it me doing you a favor. 'nag nag nag nag nag'."

"You wanna go round? I've seen my girlfriend and your sister take you down. I know how it's done."

Sheldon bristled at the challenge to his masculinity. "Difference is neither of them required the assistance of an inhaler."

Leonard took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "One, two, three…"

"What are you doing?"

"Counting. It helps one calm down. Four, five, six…"

"Says who?"

"Everyone." Leonard growled through gritted teeth. "Seven, eight, nine…"

"Is it working?"

"NO!" Another deep breath. "Okay why don't we settle this like adults? You apologize and accept that you were in the wrong, or this is your third strike."

"Two questions; In what universe do you have authority to hand out strikes? And what were the previous two?"

"Well I'm just counting today, first you made me run a light because I just had to look at that labradoodle on the way to work. Second, you spoiled last week's episode of Grimm. And I'm allowed to call those strikes because the section on demerits falls under the umbrella reciprocity clause."

A pink tinge began to creep up Sheldon's neck, his lips a tight straight line, his fists clenched until the nails dug into his palm. "Not for long." Like a man possessed, his fingers started banging at the keyboard so hard the laptop rattled.

"Great. That should keep you busy while I'm at the store buying MY milk." A satisfied Leonard left Sheldon with the twitch of wrath in his eye.

"Now you listen, Rajesh!" The elder Dr. Koothrappali warned his son from the laptop screen. "Either you respect our wishes or you don't. But we have just as much right to cut you off from the estate."

"Oh please. In India they paint lanes on the highways for cows and elephants but this is an imposition?" Raj wondered aghast. His mother nodded firmly.

When you spend THIS much of OUR money on HER, it becomes an imposition. And frankly I am tired of having this same conversation with you!"

"You hear that, son? Your mother is sick of having a conversation, that should tell you something." Dr. V. M. Koothrappali noticed his wife's steely eyed glare and answered with an innocent cheeky grin.

Raj huffed as a child does when throwing a fit. "When are you going to stop controlling my life?

"When you grow up." They answered together. "Now you think about what we said, and maybe we'll reactivate your credit card." Raj's father disconnected their Skype session with a stern click.

"Sorry Cinnamon." Raj turned to the most faithful female creature he knew with a sad baby voice. "No more timesharing the canine bungalow in Malibu." The tiny Yorkie yapped sharply in protest. "Everyone's so testy today."


End file.
